SOS

Or as my dad claims they called it in the Army, Shit on a Shingle. That's what I had for dinner at the Old Bakery, minus the shingle I might add. I didn't go to the Old Bakery (or OB as the locals call it) because I thought it would be good. I went because it was the only place open where I didn't have to stand to eat and it appeared to be a restaurant where they serve you. But not really. I went in and the only other 4 people there were greek men who stared at me the whole time. I sat down, picked up a menu off the table and started perusing it, assuming the waiter would be by to bring me a cold glass of water and take my order. I perused about 10 times and the menu only has 3 pages and they are in both english and greek. The list of things I was willing to eat was very short as I completely eliminated the "fish" category which had various unrecognizable fish and/or fish parts (I was at the sea after all). The only actual meals were Spaghetti Bolognese, Spaghetti Carbonara and Spaghetti Neopolitonia. Everything else was a salad or appetizer. So, I sit there for the longest time and there's no way I'm leaving without eating. The waiter is sitting in a chair smoking, staring at me along with the other 4 men. Clearly I'm missing a step. Then in the distance I spy what appears to be a buffet. It's towards the back near the kitchen. I get up like I knew all along that I was supposed to go to the buffet and sure enough, the waiter gets up and walks to the buffet. I say Spaghetti Carbonara. He shouts "no Carbonara". I can see that because everything that is left on the buffet appears to be from the "fish" selections and it's all red or brown. There is nothing resembling spaghetti. Just for kicks I say Bolognese. He shouts "no Bolognese-only this" and points to this crusted over mound of cheese looking stuff. I ask what it is and he says "loaf". Loaf? This guy knows about 10 words in English and one of them is loaf? Do they get a lot of tourists in there asking for the loaf? He says the Loaf has pasta and beef. Oh, that's a winner. I'll take it. What do you want drink? He points to the display case of drinks like Carol Merrill and there is canned tea, canned 7up and some peach drink. I take the tea. He says "sit down, I bring you". Oh, NOW I get service. He schleps over the Loaf and tea and drops it at my table along with the receipt in an empty glass. While I'm eating the Loaf, a couple comes in and he jumps right up and tells them something in Greek, probably "look at the stupid american over there eating the Loaf." No one else will buy that shit.